HEALTH COACH - The gift of time: life before death

HEALTH COACH -

 The gift of time: life before death  









 Many parents drop lessons around the dinner table or by heating their children from one activity to another. 

 Nancy Borowick's parents shared their most powerful wisdom at the time of their death. 

 Nancy 's mother, Laurel, received her first diagnosis of breast cancer in 1997, at the age of 42 years. She has spent the next 17 years getting in and out of treatment. 

 The disease has become "another line item on its to-do list," said Nancy, a photographer who recounts her parents' lives - and deaths - in the new book "The Family Imprint". "This was only part of her daily activities, which was not what she was. Cancer gets the same priority as Girl Scouts cookies." 

 Laurel's cancer returned for the third time in 2011. The following year, her husband, Howie, was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer, and "all moved." Nancy and her brothers and sisters, Jessica and Matt, became the guardians of the family. 



 
 Laurel Borowick wrote this letter to her daughter Nancy in 2010. Nancy's book "The Family Imprint" includes photos as well as notes, greeting cards and other memorabilia. She gathered while her parents fought cancer. 



 "I know it was really a big challenge for them to allow me and my brothers and sisters to help them," said Nancy. "I was there for the distraction, and I was there for compassion and a sympathetic ear, and sometimes I was there as a facilitator. I remember many times that I Danced for them .. I feel like coming back to their child and in some way, maybe it helped them. "

 The clumsy family humor supported them: when Howie shaved his wife's head after his third diagnosis, she used the toppings to give the dog's eyebrows. Later, the oxygen machine that was followed is known as WALL-E, after the robot animated waste collector. 

 Howie, who lost her own parents to cancer at the age of 15, lived a philosophy: life is a gift, without promise, so enjoy everything you have and count . It was a perspective shared by his wife and children, who comforted the fullness of his life after his death in December 2013. 




 
 Howie and Laurel Borowick were married in 1979. 


 
 The Borowick family pose for a photo in 1990. From left are Nancy, Jessica, Matthew, Howie and Laurel. 




 After seeing her 34 - year - old husband die in a hospital, Laurel made a decision, Nancy said, "I do not want to die at the hospital. I want to die at home, in bed, on I want to enjoy the time I've left.I want to drink hot chocolate with marshmallows.I want to watch movies and tell stories. "

 The next 364 days were tough, a whirlwind of machines, drugs and unknown hotel workers. But there was also love, stupidity, a lot of food - and the comforts of home. 

 "I do not know - if we were in the hospital - if we could have the conversations around the table at 10 am on what her hopes are for our future and why she could close her eyes to the End "said Nancy. "There is a fear and intimacy in the last few weeks in the house because it was such a personal space." 

 Laurel Borowick died - at home, in bed - a day before the first anniversary of her husband's death. Her ability to think of others and keep the prospect until the end helped her children to hear with the loss. 


 
 "Dad liked to make the needle," writes Nancy Borowick in her book. "He said that it was a way for him to relax and be creative. ... This was a play he made around when he and Mom Are married, including perfectly the important details of their lives together. "His mustache of the 1970s is totally on the point." 


 To hang on to the memories of her parents and perhaps show others who are struggling with sickness and death that they are not alone, Nancy has compiled the family photos that she Had taken for four years - as well as notes, greeting cards and other memories - in a book. But the American publishers that she approached were not interested, she said: "No one wants to buy a book on death". 

 She was surprised by the dismissal. "Mine is obviously not about death and sickness.This is life, joy and humor and not taking things too seriously. Let 's talk about death in our culture, and it' s really a pity. "

 Nancy noted the importance of "talking about end-of-life care and what to expect and getting the most out of it, as scared as you, the time you've left." 

 She and her husband, a lawyer whose mother died of cancer during her high school, took life lessons from her parents. In search of an adventure, they settled in the American territory of Guam, in the Pacific Ocean. 

 "I live a much more comprehensive and meaningful life because I appreciate things very much," she said. "One of the best gifts my parents gave us was not only this awareness of time, but what they did with that time. And having that awareness of time Is a very peculiar perspective, and it trains me every day. "







 
 Howie and Laurel Borowick received their weekly chemotherapy together. "There is nothing like having a partner in life to share good times and bad times," he said. 



 
 In the midst of chemotherapy treatments, the family also took a spontaneous vacation. 



 
 This photo of Laurel Borowick "talks about strength and beauty, stupidity and tranquility," said her daughter. "I can put myself in his shoes right now, I can sit in this warm sun, and I can feel what it feels like." 



 
 "Another benefit of providing care at home was that we controlled our own meals," said Nancy Borowick. "When the doctor told my dad that he needed to gain weight because he had lost 40 pounds during the night, he was like," I am making a record of what you eat. Simply add the calories. As a family, we took these marching orders for all of us. We all ate fried foods, and we all gained weight in solidarity. "



 
 The Borowicks get great news when they take a phone call in the bathroom. They were told when their tumors were shrinking. 



 
 Nancy Borowick's parents were able to accompany her into the corridor at her wedding. 



 
 Howie Borowick wrote his praise and planned his funeral, asking that he be buried in his favorite New York Giants football shirt, his favorite jeans and his hat with the initials HB. 



 
 Laurel Borowick was a woman of lists and organization. The sight of the mail accumulating in the mailbox signaled to her daughter that something was wrong. 



 
 Laurel Borowick is sitting on the edge of her bed. "We were losing the rock that made this house a home," recalled his daughter. 



 
 Laurel Borowick died in bed, as she had wanted, in December 2014. "My mother was not afraid of death," said Nancy Borowick. "I think after having had breast cancer for almost 18 years, you think of death, and maybe you learn about it." 



 
 Howie Borowick left this note for his wife during her treatment. The story of his parents' love relationship is one of the gifts that Nancy Borowick wants to share. "We are not alone in this situation," she said. "We can all relate in some way, and it is important to support each other and help each other where we can." 







Nancy Borowick is currently a photographer based in Guam. His new book, The Family Imprint, is now available. Follow it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.



 Picture editor:  Brett Roegiers